Sonic the Hedgehog Scary Hack
As a kid, I really loved playing Sonic 1, 2, 3 and K on the Genesis. However, when nostalgia hit me one evening, I found out our console broke when we moved to Connecticut, meaning my mother threw out all of the old games. So, I decided to search eBay for a preowned Genesis. I stumbled across one, at the rather cheap price of $1.22, including delivery. The description claimed it also came with Sonic 1 and 2, yet on closer inspection, the Sonic 1 cartridge's paper seemed to have been torn off, with a label crudely placed on the front, written in a Sharpie script (Sonic 1: WARNING! GROSSNESS IN THIS GAME). I thought nothing of it, and decided to bid $2.99 more on it. I immediately won the item. I proceeded to payment, left my feedback, and it arrived within three days. The Megadrive was in surprisingly good condition for the price, almost brand new sans smudged fingerprints. I blew into the labelled cartridge (old habits die hard you see), and inserted it into the cartridge slot. The TV screen flickered on. The familiar image of the SEGA logo faded in left to right, but instead of the joyous chorus, there was a slow version of the Howie Long scream. But this is where things got weirder. The title screen was polluted, black sludge pouring into the sea, with dark skies and lightning. The music was slower, in a scary piano tone and in middle C minor key, and when Sonic popped out of the marquee, he looked genuinely terrified and afraid. I thought this must've been some sort of hack, until I hit start. I saw Dr. Eggman, in graphics far more realistic than possible for a ball like human, holding a lifelike rabbit (which was a live action plush) by the ears. He looked full of hatred, his Groucho glasses glinting as he revealed in his other hand a dagger. He held it up to the defenseless animal's throat and cut a slit in it, MTN Dew Code Red pouring out like a fountain. Dr. Eggman began to laugh, being compressed. The game then went to Green Hill Zone, where the music was replaced with a low piano tune that sounded like a mixture between Marble Zone, Mario 3 Underground, Battletoads Title Screen and Wario Land Ground. The background looked just like it did on the title screen, and again, Sonic looked visibly shaken. His skin was paler, and he appeared to shake with fear. On running, he began to cry. Nevertheless, I decided to play through as normal, just to see if this was some sort of cruel joke. I ended up losing rings against a Buzz Bomber (in the manual called Fuzz Bomber). The noise on losing my rings was the Wilhelm scream (loudly) combined with the ringing of a telephone and the scream of an opera lady, and I heard Robotnik chortle once more, his face flashing in the stormy background. Sonic hit the floor; I was unable to control him at this point, as the Buzz Bomber began to descend on Sonic's helpless body. The Buzz Bomber literally stabbed Sonic, and all I could hear was "OORRRRGGGGG!". I couldn't take my eyes off the crudely animated sprites of Sonic writhing in pain as the Buzz Bomber rammed into him. This went on for 8 seconds, before the Buzz Bomber flew off, leaving Sonic's eyeball behind. The screen faded to black. I heard incredibly deep murmurings in Korean. Again, Dr. Eggman faded into view again, but this time he was holding a crudely drawn Sonic by the head. Sonic was crying, begging for mercy, sheer terror in his cries, but this time, Dr. Eggman didn't have a knife. He literally broke Sonic's neck, the sound reverberating, and I was 'treated' to the sight of Dr. Eggman kicking the defenseless corpse of the hedgehog around, blood flying everywhere, Sonic's spines breaking off, while all the time, the distorted sounds of Dr. Eggman's laughter and Sonic's screaming played. A message appeared in Japanese, with a selection, "Yes" or "No", and a message, "1 Life Left". I chose Yes, somehow driven to continue. I appeared back in Green Hill Zone, but this time, a title card appeared, saying "Deadly Hell Zone Act 1", and there were graves where the totem poles were. Sonic was even more afraid, looking directly at the screen, as if begging me not to continue. But I felt I had to. I continued through the game, of which its layout hadn't changed at all. The iconic loop was there, the tunnel Sonic span down, everything was the same, but decaying and full of pollution. I reached the end of the level, however, and it was the iconic boss level, you know, with the wrecking ball. Only when Dr. Eggman appeared, there was a blast of synth music and Latin chanting. Dr. Eggman's face was contorted with sheer disgust for the hedgehog- and before I even had a chance to attack, Eggman's wrecking ball slammed into Sonic and crushed him against the side of the screen. Once more, the Wilhelm scream played, but the screen began to glitch horrifically and turn gray, almost into television static. Before I had a chance to hit the power button and take out the cartridge, I heard very clearly in a deep voice- "Hohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho!!!" I looked at the television and Dr. Eggman's face from before occupied the entire screen. The words "game over" flashed over his face as I saw Sonic, blubbering and crying, fall and land on top of the letters, sliding off and hitting the floor. All I could hear was Sonic whimpering and crying and asking "Why did you do this? Why?" I promptly ripped the game out of the console, and threw it straight into the garbage. To this day, I have never seen that eBay seller online again. My computer returned 404s on searching in the history, and anyone I asked on the eBay forums claimed the user had never existed in the first place. I played the Sonic 2, and it was normal, except for Metropolis Zone. It had 9 acts! On the last act I got a game over, and then this happened. Sonic, blubbering and crying gushing tears, was on the screen. Eggman appeared and said "You thought this is a game. Well, it is. Game over, Sonic!" It was normal, thankfully. Sonic was tied up onto a table leg. The words "Game Over" flashed on the screen. Credited to Wubbzy Wow Wow Returns Category:Crappypasta Category:Vidya games Category:Sonic Category:Cliche Madness